You Stink

This is one of the funniest things I’ve read in a while, as it relates to freelancing. And yes, I’m totally guilty of it.

1. First, remove your sweatpants, pajamas, and/or stained underwear — whatever’s your freelancing uniform of choice — and set them aside to be burned. If you’ve been freelancing longer than a year, believe us, the stink of your trade has set up permanent residence in those fibers. No one close to you will tell you this, but we will: Your clothes reek. They must be incinerated. If you burn them in the yard, why not multi-task and do a little rain dance for the gods? Can’t hurt. (Put new clothes on first — we’re sure your neighbors don’t want to see your dangly bits doing the funky chicken.)

You see, I subscribe to Topless Wednesdays and No Pants Fridays, and if I shower during the day I usually wind up working the afternoon wrapped in a towel. Back when I was a corporate cube whore, I would get up, shower, do my makeup, put on clean clothes, and make my insufferable commute downtown. All before my first cup of coffee – sacrilege!

Now however, I roll out of bed with unkempt hair, put on an old khaki skort and a very politically offensive t-shirt (I have a large collection of them – today it’s my 2nd Amendment Heller Kitty shirt, given to me by Beth), stumble to the living room, open my laptop. Shuffle to the kitchen, put on the coffee (I gave up Starbucks in favor of instant for Lent). Do the bathroom thing, wash my face (occasionally), then go pour my coffee. I can settle in with my up-and-running laptop for almost an hour before my cup needs to be refilled.

A shower is like, every other day most days, and a blow-dry is reserved for days when I have either a luncheon or a TV appearance. I usually remember to eat around dinner time, at which point I’ll make popcorn or a bowl of rice.

I am a stereotype of the freelance writer!!